Things have taken a foul-mouthed turn here at Kraken Kreations, in the form of my new sweary hearts. That’s right, you can tell that Valentine’s Day is approaching because I seem to be swearing even more than usual. Not because I am enraged for because I have stubbed my toe on thee leg of my cutting table but because I’ve decided to provide the world with an alternative to the traditional Valentine’s Day message. Let me explain.
Every year I attempt to buy a Valentine’s card and every year I stumble out of assorted card shops feeing as if I’ve swallowed a duff oyster. Without fail they are pink or read, sickly sweet and so deeply un-resonant of my relationship with Conjugal Kraken that I may we well buy him a bag of marbles. None of them ever come even vaguely close to how Conjugal Kraken and I feel about each other, which is essentially love mixed with sarcasm, ludicrous humour, political rage, twisted word-play and parental bewilderment. Yes, I adore the man and yes I’m happy to spend every last minute of my existence with him but no, I don’t need Tatty bloody Teddy to tell him that.
That’s how these sweary hearts were born. You see, when a fabric heart and a swear word love each other very much they have a special cuddle and half an hour later a sweary heart is born, especially for those of us who are less cutesy about how we spend Valentine’s Day. So my sweary hearts have sayings that range from an understated ‘Meh’ through to a romantic ‘Better than cake’ and an emphatic ‘I really fucking love you’. I figure that if I express my love in these ways then I can’t be the only person out of 6 billion people who does it. Surely someone else must want to declare that they love someone ‘shitloads’. And if you hate these messages? Well, I can make one just for you at no extra cost. Just email me at krakenkreations1 AT gmail DOT com and you can declare your love YOUR way on Valentine’s Day.
Even better, the reason I love making these hearts is because it utilises my ability to come up with swear words of worrying breadth and variety. Check out my blog at www.thekrakenwakes.org if you need further proof. And no, I don’t swear because a docker lurks behind my fabric loving exterior. I swear because I find it a genuine expression of feelings. It can be used to make a point, to demonstrate depth of emotion, to convey humour, to display rage…So while ‘I love you’ is gorgeous, ‘I really fucking love you’ is passionate, emotionally charged, brave, exciting and even funny.
Which is why I think these hearts will become a Kraken Kreations staple. Not just for valentine’s Day but all-year round. We should tell people how we feel about them every day and certainly more often than on one prescribed day of the year so by dangling a sweary heart in your beloved’s space you’re telling them that they ain’t half bad every day. So get your swear on and tell your significant loon that you love them in a way that means something to you. Go on. You know you bloody want to.