It’s Christmas!
Now, what I am about to tell you ain’t easy. In fact, as the type of woman who usually has to be restrained by security when she spots the vile pre-December flogging of stollen in Tesco, I am all but choking on my words. That’s because it’s Christmas in my sewing shed. I know, I know, feel free to hate me. God knows, I almost hate me.
Thing is, if I’m serious about turning Kraken Kreations into a concern worthy of the Ftse 100 then I have to crack on with Christmas. In my heart I’d only start thinking of sparkling ribbon at 00.01 am on December 1st but in my head I’m dry humping Noddy Holder while he yodels about Santa in the middle of a blazing August. That’s why, today, I surrounded myself with the finest felt, ric rac, ribbon and buttons and set about rustling up this little lot:
Don’t panic, though. I shan’t sell them until festive shopping becomes an acceptable and timely pursuit. Problem is that if the other crafters I know are anything to go by that is any time now: they are already selling their Crimbo offerings thanks to customer demand. I, though, shall at least hang on until it’s cold enough for the central heating to go back on again. Be thankful for one thing though and it is that I am not selling you this:
When I made it I was convinced that it was a spangly icicle, until, that is, Kraken Junior told me she loved my blue carrot. And you know what? She’s bloody well right. It does look like a carrot. Perhaps I’ll sell it in time for the harvest festivals instead. And rest assured that when I do put my Crimbo decs in this here shop there won’t be any icicles harmed in the making of them. Minced pie, anyone? Hmm?
Cath, this is perfect for me because summer is really starting to piss me off and the sooner I can start pretending the year is moving on into crisp leaves and cosy nights in, the better, so seriously – I’ll have five now, if I can? Please do Paypal invoice me to the email address supplied and I’ll cough up. They are awesome and I have cash now but won’t in the run-up so choose me out five of your favs and it’s on. On like Donkey Kong. To go into more detail – and to try and assure you that I’m not a Christmas nut, because it’s not that – this is why:
1. I know I should be thankful for the fact that here in Brighouse we’ve barely seen a cloud since spring 2013, but I happen to like drizzle and thunderstorms and we’ve had NONE in AGES, even though they keep promising thrashing hail etc.
2. Because our last winter was like summer too, none of the wasps died and now they’re the size of birds. They’ve nested in our roof and when we chucked a poison bomb at them, they ate it and got even bigger.
3. Hot, hot weather with two tiny pre-schoolers is as bad as 8ft of snow, as we can’t go for long walks like we used to (Brighouse is very hilly) and as a result, I’m now fat.
4. I’m shit at cooking food for hot weather as I’m only any good at traditional English dishes, which all demand a cold, dark night and blue digits.
5. I love baths but am too hot to have one, so I haven’t had any relaxation ‘me’ time since I was pregnant with Casper, who’s now basically got a ‘tash he’s so effing old.
SO, bring on the belief that autumn and winter are rolling in, and – in between applying layer upon layer of sticky sun lotion to my kids, only to have them rub it into their eyes within three-seconds and start screaming – when the (quite fit) postman arrives with your package, I can start to get into a calmer frame of mind, reminded that those long, dark nights of old aren’t actually that far away and that soon I’ll be hearing that inspiring rain pit-patting on the flat roof of my (currently boiling) writing room once more.
x
Darling Rebecca! I am right with you. I long for the summer every year and then when it comes I’m desperate for autumn to kick in. Those few baking days we had last month nearly bloody killed me. And don’t start with the sunblock. Rubbing it on a six year old is so tortuous I’m amazed it’s not used as wartime torture. By the way, I shall drop you an email about your order. You can certainly have what you have seen but I just want to check a few details and need to do that in private. See you on the other side!