Kraken lovers, I have an apology to make. In fact when you read the next sentence try to picture me with my eyes cast down, my head hanging in shame and the toes of my right foot being squished into the carpet with mortification at having to say “I’m sorry!” That’s because I seem to have started Christmas early here at Kraken Kreations and one or two people are rather furious with me. Let me explain…
I used to hate any mention of Christmas before December 1. If I saw minced pies in a supermarket I’d wrestle the manager to the ground and I’d refuse to set foot in any shop from which Noddy Holder hollered. Or at least that was the case up to and including Crimbo 2013. Then I launched Kraken Kreations this summer and any vestige of my bah humbug attitude to pre-December festivities was swept away in a tsunami of bobbins, felt and reindeer tongues. Before I knew it I was making felt baubles in my sewing shed in August when most people were basting in the garden in the scorching sun.
Now, I didn’t embark upon this festive mission because I am freakishly addicted to celebrating Christmas before Halloween. I embarked upon it because, if I’m going to sell my Crimbo wares, I need to make them before you need to see them. In fact, relative to other crafter sellers, August was very much last minute. I shit you not, I know loads of crafters who had all of their Crimbo stock made and on sale before I even lifted a length of glittery ric rac. And it’s these crafters who – and you’d better gird yourself for this – are already stocked up for Mothering Sunday 2015. It makes my preparations look like a swift rearranging of the deckchairs on the Titanic.
The result? I’m a complete and utter bloody mess. For a start I’m stuck in an emotional tombola because my heart tells me to hate pre-December Christmas while my head is screaming, “Sell! Sell!” I barely know my arse from my elbow. Then, because my festive thoughts kicked in so early in the year I keep thinking that the big day itself is tomorrow. This is now the third month that I have thought about nothing but Crimbo so the fact that it is now only the start of November leaves me rather dazed. It’s no wonder I keep having fevered dreams about having bought no gifts whatsoever even though it is Christmas Eve.
Then again, you could say that I deserve these panicked nightmares about being free of Terry’s Chocolate Oranges come the night before Christmas. I’ve brought it upon myself for lurching into the sprit of things way before any spirit should have been decently witnessed. And would it soften your opinion of me if I told you that actually I sold my first felt baubles in August? No? Bugger. Still, it will soon be the time of goodwill to all wo/men and I’m crossing my bobbins and hoping that you’ll show some of that goodwill to me to. And if you don’t? I’ll start making Easter decorations. Before December. There, you have been warned. I would say “Ho, ho, ho!” but what I’d really mean is “Mwahahaahhahhaahha!”