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The Kraken Makes: May!

Measure up! Want made-to-measure clothes? Well, once you’ve accurately taken your measurements there’ll be no stopping you! First, understand that for an unfathomable reason the measurements on a pattern envelope have as much relevance to actual dress sizes as Jeremy Clarkson does to post-80s fashion. With that in mind, take a measuring tape and record […]

Fabric US1


Ever walked into a fabric shop and made such a tit of yourself that the owners were forced to hit the under-the-counter panic button? Well, I have. And not just once but pretty much every time I’ve stepped inside a fabric shop. In fact, such is my excitement at being surrounded by bolts of cloth […]

heart embroidery 11

Eye eye

The barking thing about doing anatomical embroidery as a hobby is the effect it has on everyone who sees me do it. I often do it in public, usually in coffee shops, where I bash out an occipital belly of occipitofrontalis over an Americano (say THAT sentence after too many Babychams). It absorbs me beyond […]


Lone wolf

Kraken lovers, it would be easy to think, from my Facebook page, that I’m a deeply social creature. Even a sociable creature. I mean, there I am being all chatty and funny and inclusive and encouraging… Thing is, all of this is hiding a secret. You see, after working alone in my shed for 12 […]

bunting 2

Sexist sewing

Now here’s a thing. This week I shared on my Facebook page Pathe footage of women doing linocuts. Alongside the footage on the original page there were a whole pile of comments, one from a bloke and dozens and dozens from women, all calling said bloke sexist. Why? Because his comment (and I paraphrase) was […]

New year 2016

First day nerves

I am shit scared. And by shit scared I mean so utterly stuffed with terror that I feel as if said fear will burst from my chest, Alien-like, before screeching across my sewing room and splattering my button collection with gore. And, yeah, I know that this isn’t the sort of thing you’ll usually read […]

december cover 1

14,595 Pricked Fingers

Kraken lovers, it’s that time of year when I like to look back at the past 364 days and wonder what in the bollocks I was thinking. That’s what Crimbo and new year is for after all. It’s nothing to do with Jesus or gifts or laying prostrate on the sofa while inhaling entire tins […]

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Cover up!

So if you follow me on Facebook (and if you don’t why the hell not? WHY?) you’ll have seen one of my latest creations. No, it’s not a bag or a storage system or even a brooch that reads ‘Bloody buggering Christmas’. Instead it’s something even more terrifying because it includes a picture of my […]

change the world

Keep Mum

I promise you that I’m taking deep breaths as I type this. I’ve also blown into a (beautifully crafted tote) bag, put my head between my knees and partaken of a hefty tot of rum but still I’m smashing my noggin against the nearest wall. You see yet again I have just heard the term ‘mumpreneur’ […]

Xmasn elf2


Here’s a question for you: would you prefer me to never, ever speak again about the fact that I once lost my marbles so significantly that I made my psychiatric counsellor look lost? Look, I know it’s an odd question not least because you’re probably here to buy a funky tote or a Christmas gift […]